By Austin Newcomb, M.Ed., LPC, NCC
Let’s talk about something real for a minute.
As a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing and holding space for many women as they navigate the complex terrain of suppressed rage and silenced emotions. What I’ve learned from my clients and the women in my life has shown me something profound: this rage isn’t something to fear or suppress – it’s something to honor.
Picture this: It’s been another endless day of carrying everyone else’s emotions, solving everyone else’s problems, being everything to everyone. You’re standing in your kitchen, maybe doing the dishes for the thousandth time, when suddenly you feel it – that white-hot rage building in your chest that both terrifies and electrifies you. But instead of letting it out, you swallow hard, paste on a smile, and say “I’m fine” for the millionth time.
I see you. I feel you. And we need to talk about this.
Because here’s the truth that’s been buried under centuries of “hysteria” diagnoses and “calm down, dear” dismissals: Your rage isn’t just valid – it’s sacred. It’s ancestral. It’s revolutionary. And it’s time we started treating it that way.
The Weight of Generations
From the moment women are born, society begins shaping them with clear messages: be nice, be quiet, be agreeable. Don’t make waves. Don’t be difficult. Don’t be “too much.” Think about how long women have been told these stories: that their anger makes them “crazy,” their fury makes them “hysterical,” their rage makes them “unstable.” That being emotional makes them weak, being angry makes them difficult, being “too much” makes them unlovable.
From a young age, women are conditioned to be the peacekeepers, the pleasers, the ones who make everyone else comfortable – often at the expense of their own truth and power. They’re expected to smile through discomfort, laugh off harassment, and respond to aggression with politeness. The message is clear: a “good woman” is a nice woman, and a nice woman doesn’t get angry.
Your Body Keeps the Score (And the Receipts)
Our bodies tell the story of this suppression in ways that no words can fully capture:
- That tension headache that won’t quit
- Those mysterious digestive issues
- The chronic fatigue that no amount of sleep seems to touch
- The anxiety that comes out of nowhere
- The unexplained anger that feels bigger than the moment
These aren’t just symptoms – they’re signals. Messages from deep within saying “enough.”
When your jaw is clenched so tight you wake up with headaches, when your stomach is in knots that no amount of deep breathing can soothe, when you’re carrying tension between your shoulders like an old family heirloom – that’s not just stress. That’s your body keeping receipts of every time the world told you to be smaller, quieter, more “ladylike.” And honestly? It’s had enough.
The Mother Wound, The Caregiver’s Truth
The weight falls especially heavy on women in caregiving roles – whether they’re mothers, nurturers, or those society has pushed into carrying others’ emotional loads. Women are expected to:
- Give endlessly without replenishment
- Care constantly without complaint
- Show infinite patience without anger
- Nurture eternally without needs
This gendered expectation of endless nurturing doesn’t just exhaust women – it denies their full humanity. Because the truth is, women aren’t just vessels for everyone else’s needs. They are complete human beings with their own needs, desires, and yes, rage.
The result? A deep, burning rage that feels both terrifying and completely justified. Because here’s the thing: The system isn’t broken – it was built this way. But that doesn’t mean we have to keep living within its constraints.
When They Say “Too Much”
Here’s what I want women to know: Their rage isn’t trying to destroy them. Their fury isn’t a character flaw. Their anger isn’t “just being emotional.” Their intensity isn’t something to fix. It’s all part of their internal compass, their ancestral wisdom trying to guide them toward what needs healing and change.
The Sacred Art of Rage Release
Let’s get real about what actually helps when that ancestral fury is coursing through women’s veins. Not the “just breathe” advice that makes someone want to scream, but real, grounded practices that honor both the emotion and the need for release.
The Sensory Revolution
Start with the body’s wisdom. Plunge your hands into cold water, feeling each ripple against your skin. Let the sensation ground you in the present moment while acknowledging the storm within. Work with clay or paint, letting your hands express what words can’t capture. Press your palms against a wall, feeling the solid resistance, reminding yourself that you can be both soft and strong.
The Creative Rebellion
When words fail, art speaks. Paint with colors that match your fury – bold reds, fierce oranges, deep purples. Don’t worry about making something “pretty” – this isn’t about creating a masterpiece, it’s about release. Write in thick marker, pressing hard enough to feel it, letting your truth flow without censorship. Tear paper into tiny pieces, then create something new from the fragments, watching transformation happen under your hands.
The Sacred Sound
Your voice holds power that’s been silenced for too long. Start with a hum deep in your chest, feeling the vibration move through your body. Let it grow into whatever sound wants to emerge. Sing in your car where no one can hear you, or create rhythms by drumming on any surface. Let your voice crack, growl, or soar – every sound is a reclamation of your right to be heard.
The Movement Medicine
Let your body tell its story through whatever motion feels right. Dance to music that matches your intensity – no choreography, no performance, just pure expression. Practice martial arts moves or boxing stances, feeling your power in each movement. Move like the elements themselves – be fire, be water, be the storm. Let your movement transform the rage into something new, something powerful, something useful.
The Alchemical Release
Sometimes the most powerful practices combine multiple elements of release. Garden with fierce intention, letting the earth hold your rage as you dig, plant, and create new life. Create a rage altar with objects that represent your power and the changes you want to make. Write uncensored letters and burn them safely, watching your words transform into smoke and ash. Move until the rage becomes something new, something that serves rather than consumes.
A Note About Practice
These aren’t just random activities – they’re ritual practices for honoring your truth and transforming ancient pain into power. Choose what resonates and make it your own. Add elements that speak to your soul. Create combinations that work for your life, your body, your truth.
Remember: You don’t have to do this perfectly. Start where you are, with what you have. Even small acts of honoring your rage can create powerful ripples of change.
A Revolutionary Permission Slip
Consider this a permission slip for women to:
- Feel their rage fully and trust their body’s wisdom
- Take up space unapologetically and without apology
- Let their anger fuel necessary change
- Use their voice, even when it shakes
- Be “too much” for systems that are too small
Because remember this: A woman’s rage isn’t hysteria – it’s clarity. Their anger isn’t madness – it’s wisdom. Their fury isn’t weakness – it’s power rising.
Some revolutions start with a whisper, but others? Others need women’s collective roar.
