By Austin Newcomb, M.Ed., LPC, NCC
Let’s talk about that moment when you’re standing in your kitchen at 9 PM, eating ice cream straight from the container, trying to numb whatever feeling you’re desperately avoiding. Or maybe you’re doom-scrolling through social media at 2 AM, or sending that passive-aggressive text you’ll regret tomorrow, or doing literally anything to avoid sitting with that uncomfortable feeling bubbling up inside.
I see you. And more importantly, I get it.
The Great Escape: Why We Run From Feelings
Here’s what nobody tells you about uncomfortable feelings: they’re supposed to be uncomfortable. I know, shocking right? But somewhere along the way, we got the message that if we’re feeling something unpleasant, we need to fix it. Like, right now. Immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, just make it stop.
And oh boy, do we get creative with our escape routes:
- Shopping sprees we can’t afford
- Picking fights with people we love
- Obsessively reorganizing our entire house at midnight
- Giving ourselves the world’s longest internal lecture about why we’re the worst
- Trying to solve other people’s problems because hey, at least that’s easier than dealing with our own
(Raise your hand if you’ve done at least three of these this week. No judgment here – I might be raising both hands.)
Plot Twist: Your Nervous System is Just Trying to Help
Here’s something wild to consider: that urge to run from uncomfortable feelings? It’s actually your nervous system trying to protect you. Think of it like having an overenthusiastic bodyguard who thinks every emotional paper cut is a knife fight.
Your nervous system is basically that friend who watches too many true crime shows and is convinced every noise is a serial killer. Sweet? Yes. Helpful in this moment? Not so much.
The Art of Staying: Your Starter Pack for Sitting with Discomfort
1. The “Plot Twist” Technique
When you feel that urgent need to DO SOMETHING (anything!) to make the feeling go away, try this instead:
Start with naming what’s happening: “Plot twist – I’m feeling something uncomfortable and that’s actually okay.”
Then, get curious about it:
- If this feeling had a shape, what would it be?
- If it had a voice, what would it sound like?
- If it were a character in a movie, who would play it?
(Yes, I once cast my anxiety as Meryl Streep – she really nailed the role.)
2. The Time Travel Test
Ask yourself:
- “Will this matter in 5 minutes?”
- “Will this matter in 5 days?”
- “Will this matter in 5 months?”
And my personal favorite:
- “Will this make a funny story at brunch next year?”
3. The Body Detective Game
Instead of trying to think your way out of the feeling (spoiler alert: doesn’t work), try getting curious about how it shows up in your body:
- Where do you feel it? (Chest? Stomach? That weird spot between your shoulder blades?)
- What’s it doing in there? (Squeezing? Dancing? Having a full-on rave?)
- If you had to describe it to an alien who’s never felt emotions before, what would you say?
The Plot Twist Nobody Tells You About
Here’s the wild thing about sitting with uncomfortable feelings: the more you practice it, the more you realize that feelings are like those door-to-door salespeople of the emotional world. If you try to hide from them, they just keep knocking louder and finding new ways to get your attention.
But if you open the door, acknowledge them, maybe even offer them a metaphorical cup of tea? They usually say their piece and move on. (Though sometimes they need to come back a few times to really drive their point home.)
Your Permission Slip for Feeling Feelings
Consider this your official permission slip to:
- Feel your feelings without immediately trying to fix them
- Be uncomfortable without it meaning something’s wrong
- Not have all the answers right this second
- Take up space with your emotions
- Let feelings be feelings without turning them into actions
A Note From Someone Who Gets It
As both a therapist and a human who’s had to learn these skills the hard way (sometimes multiple times), I want you to know something: this work is hard. Really hard. And some days you’ll nail it, and other days you’ll find yourself elbow-deep in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s wondering where it all went wrong.
That’s okay too. Because here’s the truth: the goal isn’t to become some zen master who never gets uncomfortable. The goal is to build a different relationship with discomfort. To learn that you can survive it. That it won’t last forever. That you’re stronger than you think.
Your Invitation to Practice
Next time you feel that urge to run from a feeling, see if you can stay with it for just 30 seconds. That’s it. Just 30 seconds of curious observation. Think of it like a weird science experiment, but you’re both the scientist and the subject.
And if you find yourself wanting some support in this journey? That’s what we’re here for. Whether through individual therapy, joining our Healing Haven community, or just reading these blogs and knowing you’re not alone – we’ve got your back.
Remember: You’re not broken for having big feelings. You’re human. And sometimes being human is uncomfortable. But hey, at least we’re uncomfortable together.
P.S. If you read this while stress-eating ice cream, no judgment. Sometimes growth happens one spoonful at a time
